As readers may have noticed, I like to make something from nothing, to ‘Make Do and Mend’. There’s something really rewarding in finding a ‘lost’ item and finding it a new purpose. When I see pallets now, I don’t think of rubbish; I see possibilities, fence panels, vertical planters, even tables. At the allotment I can do that, I can look at things in a different way.
However, I’m still learning to bring this way of thinking into my thoughts about life in general. I used to be able to do it; I was even quite good at it. But since my depression I’ve found it all too easy to lose myself in one frame of mind or thought process. As I suggested, I’m getting better at it, but I’m not there yet. To use the lost and found analogy; I’ve been lost and I’m beginning to be found. Losing confidence and facing depression and anxiety has possibly been the hardest thing I’ve had to cope with in life. It has totally altered my life and the things I desire from life. Initially I was totally lost, but with the support of friends and family, I’ve dragged myself upward, leaving work and learning to appreciate my family more in the process.
Although I’ve begun to find myself again, I now face a different kind of loss. What to do next? Rather than the isolation of deep depression, its a feeling of being lost in a crowd. Like the child in a crowded supermarket looking for their Mum, there’s loads of people who could be their mother; for me there are lots of things I could do, but which one is the right one?